The Matchmaker's Handbook
by Slashapalooza
Summary: Sora Harada is the leading expert on love, even though he’s never gotten a date in his life. Then he receives a letter from someone who has a huge crush – on him! Will the matchmaker finally meet his match?
1. Rule 1

**Title:** The Matchmaker's Handbook

**Author:** Slashapalooza

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Kingdom Hearts. I just like to kidnap the characters and make them dance like my little puppets. You should try it. It's fun and you even get reviews for it!  
**  
Rating: **T for Teen. Meaning your younger brothers and sisters shouldn't be reading this unless they want to be corrupted early. And your parents shouldn't be reading this unless you want to get grounded.

**Summary:** AU Sora Harada is the leading expert on love, even though he's never gotten a date in his life. Then when he receives a letter from someone who has a huge crush – on him! Will the matchmaker finally meet his match? RikuSora LeonCloud TidusSelphie

**Author's Note:** Yeah, yeah, I know. "OMG, that bitch is starting ANOTHER story when she hasn't updated her others yet? What the hell is that bitch smoking?' The answer is – I snort pixie stix. Kidding, kidding! What can I say? I've got so much inspiration these days that I can't stop starting new stories. You're just lucky I didn't post all the ones I've started in the last few days or we'd all have story overload.  
**  
Category:** Let's see. Romantic humor? Can anybody tell that I'm a hopeless romantic who has a romantic comedy movie archive larger than my trust fund total? Anybody? Anybody? I can't help it! I'm a Fluff Fan, okay? OKAY! All my other friends look up fanfiction that makes them break out in tears and walk around depressed for days on end, but it's not my fault I prefer stories where everybody skips along merrily down the road, cries a teensy bit, then has a happy ending. I grew up being fed fairy tales. My Dad says I'm sheltered. –cough- Uh… moving on…  
**  
Spoilers:** None for the game. At all. Except for, you know, Naminé is in this story. Not sure how big a role she'll play, but she's here. So, for those of you who haven't played KH: COM – Nanimé is this quiet blond girl. The end.

**Feedback:** Is very much appreciated.  
**  
Setting:** Japan. Somewhere. How about Kyoto this time, not that it matters.  
**  
Date Begun: **August 21, 2005

**Date Posted:** September 5, 2005  
**  
Rule #1:** Potential Relationships Could Be Hiding Right Under Your Nose

* * *

**SAIYUKI HIGH TIMES**

_Bringing you all of the news with none of the tact!  
_

* * *

**Volume 4, Issue 2**

_First Page_

**SCHOOL PLAY SUCKS OUT LOUD!  
**An editorial by Selphie Tillmet

Do you want to see some good entertainment? Do you want to be moved to tears, both of sadness and laughter? Do you want to see quality acting, theater at its best? Well, then, you'd be better off watching _I Love Lucy_ reruns on TV Land because Saiyuki High's presentation of _La Boehm_ was an absolute embarrassment!

Never before in my life have I seen such bad acting! The leading lady, Yuna Nandaba, who was playing the part of Mimi, not only failed to project her voice so the people in the back could hear, but she also kept forgetting her lines! And the leading man, Tidus Mihada, seemed distracted, his eyes more on the audience than on the play.

I beg you, Saiyuki High Drama Club, if you are not going to do it right then please nix any future play plans. We'd all be much better off.

Five thumbs way down, baby. Until next time. _Selphie_.

* * *

_Next Page_

**The Matchmaker's Handbook  
**_Are you unlucky in love? Having problems finding your perfect match? Or maybe you just need help with a current beau. Either way, send your pleas in to the matchmaker! He'll give you the advice to help you snag your sweetie or keep your cuddle bear under control._

**Dear Matchmaker,  
**My boyfriend and I have been dating secretly for months now. The thing is, my parents think he's totally wrong for me because he has a bad reputation. They'd freak if they knew. Is this a sign that we're not meant to be, or am I just over thinking this whole thing?  
Signed,  
Hiding But Happy

**Dear Hiding,  
**Think about why you two are really together. Is it because you're honestly in love, or is it because the feeling of defying your parents, in secret or not, gives you a bigger rush? If it's the latter, then it's not worth it. If it's the first, invite me to the wedding!  
Signed,  
Matchmaker

**Dear Matchmaker,  
**I really like this. She's like amazing – in a sugar-high, extremely insane sort of way. However, I don't think she'd even glance my way. As a matter of fact, I think she might believe I'm involved with someone else. What should I do?  
Signed,  
Love For Lunatics

**Dear Looney,  
**This girl you speak of wouldn't happen to be Selphie Tillmet would you? If it is, try luring her with sugar, although, don't blame me if you get one of your limbs ripped off in the process. Anything standing between Selphie and sugar has a good chance of being devoured.  
Signed,  
Matchmaker

* * *

_Bottom of Page_

**DIRTY LITTLE SECRETS  
**_Also known as 'you didn't hear it from be, but…'  
__By Kairi Hotaka_

**You didn't hear it from me, but** rumor has it that two certain male long-time rivals have something a little deeper than rivalry going on. Maybe just the total opposite. However, being that both have hated each other since, ah, _birth_ not to mention the deep-rooted family rivalry, I'd say the likelihood of this rumor is slim to none. Still, it's fun to imagine.

**You didn't hear it from me, but** rumor also has it that there's a little hanky panky going on in our very own school. Mr. Edagawa, our resident English teacher, and Ms. Umagi, who teaches Music, were spotted getting it on in the teachers' lounge. Not that way, you perverts, but both did leave sporting some serious hickeys.

**You didn't hear it from me, but** rumor has it that we're getting another couch installed in the girls' bathroom, as well as a brand new vanity. Uh… not that there was a couch and vanity in there _before_, boys. Actually, you know, forget I said anything.

That's all for now! Tune in next time for more Saiyuki Gossip. But, remember, you _didn't_ hear it from me!

* * *

_Last Page_

**Editor:  
**Kairi Hotaka

**Photographer:  
**Sora Harada

**Staff:  
**Selphie Tillmet, Wakka Obana, Naminé Daimyo, Michiru Takahara….

* * *

"Aren't you guys done yet?" Riku Masaki asked, playing with a lock of Sora's hair. The brunette impatiently pushed his hand away and went back to examining the pictures he'd taken. 

Kairi hit Riku on the head with a pen. "No. Being on the newspaper staff is a lot of work. Now leave Sora alone and go away, unless you actually plan on doing something."

"Well," Riku replied, smirking at Sora. The brunette was still ignoring him. "If Sora's free tonight, then I'll definitely be _doing_ something."

Sora didn't even bat an eyelash.

"Okay, now this is getting annoying," Riku muttered, placing his hand in Sora's hair and giving a tug.

Sora winced, finally looking at him with confused blue eyes. "What?"

"You're ignoring me. It hurts. My old heart can't take it," the white-haired boy dramatized, placing a hand to his heart and giving Sora a wounded look. "Is this how our friendship has deteriorated? You're ignoring me in favor of _pictures_? And they're not even pictures of me."

"Since we already came out with the last issue, Kairi wants to get the next one in the works," Sora murmured, rubbing his head slightly. He grinned in his usual carefree way. "What'd you think of it, anyway?"

Riku pulled his copy of the Saiyuki High School newspaper out of his backpack and leafed through it until he came to the romance column. He folded the paper and pushed the page into Sora's line of vision. "Who does this column?"

Sora frowned. "How should I know? Kairi's the one who would know that, not me. I just take the pictures."

"Don't even bother. I'm not telling," Kairi piped up from her desk, her fingers racing over the keyboard. "I have to protect the students' right to privacy and that includes the Matchmaker. So just drop it."

"You write the gossip column and you're preaching about protecting the students' right to privacy?" Riku asked, raising an eyebrow.

Kairi didn't even look at him. "Shut up, I'm not telling."

Slightly miffed, Riku put the paper back in his bag and hopped up onto Sora's desk. "Hey, how about you and me go out to eat or something?"

"I still have work to do, Riku," Sora pointed out, gesturing towards the pictures on his desk. "I have to go down to the swim meet and—"

He was suddenly cut off as a very irate blonde boy burst through the door of the newsroom, his angry blue eyes searching until they landed on Selphie. The girl was busy playing Pinball on her laptop and didn't notice the new presence in the room.

"Selphie Tillmet," Tidus hissed, kicking the door closed behind him. "Can I talk to you for a moment?"

"Not now. I'm winning," Selphie answered, her full concentration on the computer screen. Tidus walked over and pulled her power chord out of the electrical outlet. Since her laptop was on low battery already, the screen went blank.

Selphie's eyes watered. "NOOOOOOO! I WAS _SO_ CLOSE TO BEATING RIKU'S HIGH SCORE!"

"Better luck next time," Riku said in amusement.

Selphie's eyes were practically flaming. "Who. Did. That."

Tidus met her glare for glare. "I did!" He shoved his copy of the newspaper into her face, the paper folded to her editorial page. "Why the hell did you write such a bad review for our play?"

"Because it was a bad play!" Selphie argued, snatching the paper out of his hands and tossing it to the side. "If you want a good review, try not to screw up a classic opera like that!"

"We didn't screw it up! How is it our fault that you fell asleep half-way through!"

"There's one problem right there! You should have been paying attention to the opera, not to me! I can sleep wherever I damn well please!"

Sora grabbed his coat, coughing. "You know, Riku, on second thought, let's go get some food."

"I knew you'd see things my way," Riku replied with a smirk, hopping off Sora's desk and heading for the door.

* * *

Sora hadn't realized how hungry he'd been until he'd had his first bite of a McDonalds double cheeseburger. He ended up finishing his meal and half of Riku's before he was finally full. 

Riku chuckled in amusement. Sora was totally insatiable sometimes. A statement which brought on a truckload of very dirty thoughts. He quickly shoved them down and smiled. "Wow, Sora. Sure you don't want me to buy you another, oh… _ten_ meals?"

"That's okay," Sora said, taking Riku's words seriously. "I couldn't finish ten. Maybe eight. But not _ten_."

Riku tried not to roll his eyes and instead changed the subject. "The pictures in the newspaper were beautiful."

Sora beamed. "Thanks. I took, like, hundreds because I couldn't decide what I wanted the picture to say, or whatever." He glanced at his watch. "Oh, do you want to come with me to the swim meet? It starts in about an hour."

"Who's competing?"

"Leon and Cloud. They're going up against each other to see which one of them is going up against Hamori High School at the competition two weeks from now." Sora explained, waving a hand dismissively. "Then again, they look for any excuse to argue."

"You taking pictures for the paper?" Riku asked, starting to pick up the remains of his meal.

"Duh. Kairi's a slave driver, I tell you. She might as well have a whip in her hand for all the—" Sora saw the perverted look spreading on Riku's face and sighed. "Don't even _go_ there."

Riku looked innocent and tossed everything into the garbage, getting up and pulling his car keys out of his pocket. "Let's roll. Maybe if we get there early enough, you can get an interview with them, too."

"Good idea, Riku," Sora said with a grin, practically racing out to Riku's bright blue BMW. It was Riku's pride and joy, the result of begging his father to work in his garage since Riku was old enough to hold a wrench and know what to do with it. And all that working in the garage seriously saved him on car repairs since he could do it all himself.

Riku got into the front seat and started the car. "Fasten your seatbelts. I'm getting us there in less than two minutes."

Sora blinked. "How're you gonna do that? The school's five minutes aw—" He was cut off as Riku slammed his foot down on the gas and the car jetted out of the parking lot. Sora sank down in his seat and fastened his seatbelts, murmuring prayers under his breath.

* * *

Kairi had kicked them out of the newsroom for 'disrupting business', but that didn't stop Tidus and Selphie from arguing. 

Tidus was still pissed about the bad review for the play. It had not been that bad. Sure, he'd been a little distracted so what she said about him was true, but Yuna had been sick with a fever that night. If anything, she performed as well as she could considering the circumstances.

However, Selphie was in no mood to listen to him as she was still mad about her game. "Do you have any idea how hard it is to even get close to a Riku Masaki high score? There's a slim to none chance! And I was five points away from beating it when you had to come barging in, you idiot!"

"I'm the idiot? What about you Ms. Sucky Review? You didn't even interview any of us to get our side of the story? What kind of reporter are you?" Tidus hissed.

"Hello!" Selphie said as though it should be obvious. "A _biased_ one? Geez, all you do is put on fancy clothes and get up on a stage to _lie_ in front of millions of people, and you act like it's such a hard thing."

Tidus rolled his eyes. "There's more to acting than lying, stupid."

"Oh, I'm sorry. I forgot the makeup," Selphie responded, sarcasm dripping off her words.

"No. You forgot memorizing your lines, getting in character, rehearsals, practice, scene changes, creating the background, and how hard it is to bring a story no one cares about to life!" Tidus near-shouted. "But, of course you wouldn't know anything about that. You don't know anything about acting or the drama club at all, and you never will."

Selphie puffed out her cheeks in annoyance. She hated it when people talked down to her like she was some sort of moron. She especially hated it when they had a point.

"Yeah, well…" she began hesitantly before allowing her anger to spur her on. "I bet if I did know all that drama club stuff, I'd still do a better job than you and Yuna did!"

Tidus raised an eyebrow. "Oh really?"

"Yeah!"

"Well then. You're on."

Selphie blinked in total confusion. "I'm on… what?"

_Drugs is my guess,_ Tidus thought, but didn't say out loud. Instead, he said, "The bet. You're on. You join the Drama Club and perform in the next play. If you do a good job, you win and I'll stop badgering you about the review. If you do a bad job, you write a retraction for the next issue. Deal?"

Selphie frowned slightly in thought. "How about, if I do a good job, you do whatever I want?"

"Deal," Tidus agreed easily. He held out his hand. "Shake on it."

"But how will I know if I've done a good job?"

"Ask someone else to write your review for you. Someone brutally honest and completely unbiased in either of our favors."

Selphie frowned again, thinking. Then she grinned. "Riku Masaki. He's as brutally honest as they come. Although, we might have to pay him to do this extra work."

Tidus held out his hand again. "Whatever. Deal?"

Selphie took it and shook. "Deal. You're going down, Drama Drone."

* * *

Cloud pulled down his pants and glared daggers at the brunette across the room. Said brunette wasn't even looking in his direction, although he had to be aware of Cloud's fierce gaze. But, then again, that was just like Leon. Too high and mighty acknowledge anyone 'beneath' him. 

A hand suddenly blocked his vision. Cloud turned to look at the culprit, frowning. "Seifer, I'm about to take off my pants. The fact that you are standing right next to me is kind of disturbing."

The blonde smirked and jabbed his head in Leon's direction. "Didn't look like you were about to do anything seeing as your eyes were busy burning holes in the back of his skull."

"Yeah, whatever," Cloud said, kicking off his jeans and revealing the blue swim trunks underneath. "I just can't stand that guy. I've been preparing for this match all week."

"You're lucky," Seifer commented, sparing a glance at the brunette who was now stuffing his clothes into his locker. "I'd love to get a piece of him."

Cloud's scowl deepened and he pushed his clothes into his duffle bag. "Well, you can forget it. Today he's _mine_." He headed out to the pool.

The swim team's coach, Cid, was standing by the bleachers in deep conversation with two girls. The first – Aerith, Cloud's best friend since childhood. The second – Yuffie, Leon's personal unwanted cheerleader.

He walked over to the group and handed Aerith his towel. "Well, I'm ready to win this thing."

"Nuh uh," Yuffie argued, poking him in the arm. "Leon's gonna win this thing. You're gonna eat his… water."

Aerith hid her amused smile behind her hand and gave Cloud a kind look. "Do your best. Oh, and, after the competition, your mother wants you to rush home. She's got big news to tell everyone over dinner. She invited my parents over as well."

"_Great_," Cloud said, rolling his eyes. Knowing his mother, it was probably something stupid like 'The Yamatos have fallen six points behind us in the polls!' Ever since his family had entered the election for mayor against Leon's family, it seemed like that was all his parents ever talked about.

The blond glanced around to find Leon and saw the boy standing in front of the locker room door, talking to a shorter brunette with a camera while another boy – whom Cloud recognized to be Riku, captain of the soccer team – stood by looking bored.

He rolled his eyes. Leon had better not delay the match over something as stupid as that.

"Speaking of elections," Yuffie said, bringing Cloud's attention back to her. "Are you running for student body president?" She smiled. "Leon is. He's awesome like that."

"_Leon_ is running for student body president?" Cloud echoed blankly. "Leon gives a shit about the student body?"

"Well… no, he doesn't… but I managed to persuade him." Yuffie answered, drawing herself up to her full height. "All it took was a little convincing and a little blackmail. But I think he'll make an awesome president. Running things is in his genes."

"Right," Cloud replied, already losing interest. "Whatever you say, Yuffie."

"I'm ready," Leon's voice said from behind him.

Cloud turned around and narrowed his eyes. "You're going down, Yamato."

"Just try not to drown," Leon replied, walking over to the pool and getting into position. Cloud walked over to his place and got ready, too.

"Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the meet to decide which one of these two swimming champions will go up against Hamori High for the state championship!" Cid's voice boomed from the speakers set at the four corners of the room. "Leon Yamato and Cloud Strife head to head. Whoever finishes the 100 meter swim first is the winner! On your marks, get set, go!"

* * *

Sora bit on the end of his pencil. "Somehow, I don't think I can work with this." 

He and Riku were seated on the third row from the top of the bleachers while Sora went over his transcript of the interview with Leon. The boy had not been very responsive at all.

In fact, the interview went something like this:

**SORA:** So, Leon, how does it feel to be facing your rival, Cloud, even though you two are on the same team?  
**LEON** …  
**SORA:** Do you think you'll win?  
**LEON** …  
**SORA:** …Do you speak anything other than Glare-ese?  
**LEON** …  
**RIKU:** Mark that down as a 'no', Sora.

At which point Sora had just snapped a photo and called it a day. Now, Riku was taking pictures of the match for him while Sora tried to find some way he could make the interview sound better than it was.

Riku tapped him on the shoulder. "I think Leon's about to win."

Sora peered down at the pool. True, Leon was about two inches ahead of Cloud as they made their way through the last lap. But Cloud was catching up fast and the two inches didn't seem like very much.

However, Riku was right. Leon touched the other side of the pool half a second before Cloud. The Leon supporters broke into uproarious applause. The rest of the audience lowered their 'Cloud Is The Champ' posters and groaned.

Sora hurried down the bleacher steps and over to Leon, flipping open his notebook. "Hey, how does it feel to be the champion, Leon?"

The older boy glared at him.

Sora shrank back. "I'll take that as a 'really, really good,'" He squeaked before scrambling backwards and hiding behind Riku. The two watched Cloud hoist himself out of the water and reluctantly shake Leon's hand before people gathered around to congratulate the two on a good match.

Riku took Sora's hand. "Let's get out of here and go back to my house. Mom said something about making apple pie this morning."

Sora grinned, any previous traces of fear gone. "Okay!"

* * *

It wasn't until about an hour later that the crowd finally began to filter out, having better things to do now that the match was over. The other team members had offered to throw a party in Leon's honor down at the pizza shop, but the brunette had declined. He did not party. Especially not with other people. And they should know that by now. 

Yuffie had punched him on the arm and gave him a thumbs up, telling him she had to go baby-sit if she wanted to have enough money to buy that dress for prom and to remind him that he was taking her or else she'd beat the crap out of him. Then she'd offered to give Aerith a ride home, which the girl had calmly accepted, telling Cloud she'd see him later, and the two had left.

In the end, it was just Leon and Cloud in the locker room. Which was just how Leon liked it.

Currently, he had Cloud pressed against one of those very lockers, the blonde's wrists pinned above his head. He smirked. "You were watching me change, you pervert."

"Was _not_," Cloud insisted, making no move to try and free his hands. "I was wishing you an early death. There's a difference."

Leon snorted. "Yeah, whatever."

"Seifer," Cloud began, ignoring the way Leon's lips curved into a scowl at the name. "Seifer said he wanted a piece of you. Pissed me off." He leaned forward and pressed his lips to Leon's in a chaste kiss before pulling away and smiling. "You're _mine_."

Leon didn't know how it had all started. It was probably when he and Cloud had both made the swim team, although he knew he'd been attracted to the blonde for a while before that. But seeing Cloud every day shirtless and wet was way too much for his hormones to bear. One day, after practice and all the other boys had gone home, they'd just jumped each other. A month later, they were a couple.

Privately, of course.

If either of their families found out, they'd both be in deep shit. Not to mention what the rest of the team would think. Or, at the very least, what Yuffie (in Leon's case) and Aerith (in Cloud's case) would think.

"I'm yours," Leon murmured, brushing his lips against Cloud's bare shoulder. "I think I like that."

Cloud shivered. "You better. Because, come on, _Seifer_? _No_."

Leon chuckled. "You talk too much." And he proceeded to shut Cloud up in a way they both enjoyed.

* * *

Riku casually flipped through the pages of the school newspaper until he came to the advice column, reading it for the fifth time that day. It was bothering him to no ends not knowing who it was that did the column. Although, whoever it was did seem to be very love savvy. 

His eyes rose from the paper to the boy sitting on his bedroom floor, eating his fifth piece of pie. He and Sora had been friends for years (and years and years and years) and had been together even longer. Their mothers shared a room at the hospital and, even before then, they went to the same pregnancy course.

They had no secrets. Well, except the one Riku had been keeping for the last year and a half. Luckily for him, Sora seemed totally oblivious. He seemed to think that the innuendoes Riku was so fond of whispering in his ear were all a big joke.

Riku wasn't sure whether he should be relieved or discouraged that Sora couldn't seem to grasp the fact that he was in love with him.

"Hey, Sora," Riku murmured, glancing back down at the paper. "Do you know who writes this column? You don't have to tell me. I just want to know if you do."

Sora paused, licking some whipped cream off the corner of his mouth. "Uh, no. Kairi refuses to tell any of us and whoever it is won't speak up." He grinned. "Why do you care, anyway? Planning on writing in?"

Riku watched Sora drown his sixth piece in whipped cream, a thoughtful look on his face. Then it passed and he flipped over to the next page of the paper. "Of course not. I'm not _that_ desperate yet."

"'Yet'?" Sora asked, raising an eyebrow. "Oooh, Riku's got a crush? Who's the lucky girl?"

Riku ignored him in favor of reading up on the sports section.

"Come on, Riku! We're best friends, aren't we? I won't tell!" Sora whined, giving Riku his best pout. However, since Riku's eyes were on the paper instead of on him, the effect was ruined. "Riku!"

"Are you coming to my soccer game next week?" Riku questioned. "We're going up against Takahashi High School and they're currently undefeated."

Sora folded his arms, sulking, but allowed Riku to change the subject. "Of _course_ I'm coming. I know how important your games are to you."

Although, Sora didn't quite understand why Riku insisted upon having _him_ come, or why Riku claimed he couldn't play well without Sora there.

One time, Sora had been swamped with work on the paper and had missed the first quarter of Riku's game. Tidus and the soccer team's couch, Quistis, had come racing to find him, demanding he get his ass in the stands so Riku could lead the Saiyuki High Roadrunners to victory.

For some odd reason, as soon as Sora had appeared, Riku had scored three straight goals for the team.

Riku smiled. "Good. Thanks."

Sora busied himself with squirted whipped cream on his pie, frowning when, with a small _pwish_, the can ran out. He shook it and tried again, but no whipped cream came out. "Damn vindictive whipped cream can. Drop it on the floor just _one_ time…"

He was so preoccupied with the can, he missed the fond look Riku gave him before looking down at the paper again.

* * *

"Master Strife, it's for you." 

Cloud looked up from his carefully constructed mashed potato volcano and raised an eyebrow at their butler, Edmund. Well, Cloud wasn't sure if the guy's name really was Edmund, but he'd forgotten the name awhile ago.

Besides, the butler answered to Edmund so that was the end of that.

"Somebody called for me? And it's not Aerith?" Cloud asked, looking at the brunette who was busy actually eating her food. He shrugged and got up, taking the phone from 'Edmund' and walking out into the hall to answer it. "Hello?"

"Hey, it's me."

Cloud's eyes widened slightly and he glanced back at the dining room, but no one was even looking in his direction. He turned his back to them and lowered his voice. "Leon? What the—Edmund actually let you—"

"The man's name is Eichi, Cloud," Leon responded. "And I told him I was Riku."

"You don't sound anything like Riku. And he doesn't even call here."

"Shut up. Anyway, sorry for calling in the middle of you constructing landforms out of your dinner—" Cloud decided to let that slide. "—but I really need to see you."

The blonde glanced behind him at the dinner table. Ditch his family and whatever important announcement his mother was going to make just to go see his secret boyfriend?

Well, _duh_.

"I'll meet you at the park in ten minutes," Cloud said, hanging up the phone. Then, he walked back into the dining room. "I have to go."

"Go? What? Why?" his mother protested. "I haven't even made my announcement yet."

"That was my friend, Riku. His car broke down a couple miles from here and he wants me to come give him a lift. No big deal, but I have to go do this," Cloud lied easily. "Sorry."

His parents exchanged disappointed glances and sighed.

"Alright," his mother said, stirring her soup. Then she perked up. "But if you pass the Yamatos' house, feel free to pee on their front lawn or something equally vulgar."

Cloud rolled his eyes. "Oh, yeah, Mom. And then tomorrow the headlines will read 'Son of Candidate For Mayor Urinates On Rivals' Front Lawn'. Great for publicity."

"_Riku_ is waiting," Aerith spoke quietly, giving Cloud one of her all-knowing expressions. "I'm sure you don't want to leave him unattended for long."

"Uh, right." Cloud coughed and grabbed his coat and car keys, heading out to the family boxer and wondering just how much Aerith knew.

* * *

Leon was already sitting on a bench by the fountain when Cloud finally got to the park. The blonde sat down beside him, staring at the fountain without saying anything for a moment before he turned his eyes to Leon. 

"Well," Cloud said. "I'm here."

"I noticed," Leon replied. "My parents are pissed off because your family is six points ahead of them in the polls and they were starting to piss me off, so I left before I snapped and murdered them."

Cloud rolled his eyes. "Somehow, I get the feeling that was the big news my Mom wanted to share. She wanted me to pee in your front yard."

"Thanks for the image."

Cloud smirked. "Of me with my pants down? You're welcome."

"Did I interrupt anything at your house?" Leon asked without acknowledging Cloud's statement.

"Nah," Cloud replied, waving a hand dismissively. "My parents invited Aerith's family over and we were having dinner while waiting for Mom to make her announcement. Well, they were having dinner. I was constructing a very complex potato mountain."

Leon snorted. "Wow. You were so busy. How rude of me to interrupt."

"I forgive you," Cloud said sweetly, resting his head on Leon's shoulder. "I think Aerith might know something."

"About what?"

Cloud gestured vaguely. "This. She didn't buy my excuse about Riku."

"She goes to our school. Everybody's had Riku work on their cars or their friends' cars at least once." Leon commented.

"She's probably going to have me on High Inquisition for the next few days. I need to come up with a plausible excuse," Cloud murmured, closing his eyes. "Except, maybe tomorrow. I'm exhausted."

"We can't sleep out here. Someone might see," Leon reminded him, reaching up a hand to gently stroke Cloud's hair.

Cloud yawned, but didn't open his eyes. "So then wake me up when you're leaving."

Leon opened his mouth to protest, but the sounds of soft snoring reached his ears and he sighed. Cloud was dead to the world.

Well, he decided, maybe he could just let Cloud sleep for a little while, then toss him in the pond later. Leon wasn't very willing to move at the moment, anyway.


	2. Rule 2

**Title:** The Matchmaker's Handbook

**Author:** Slashapalooza

**Disclaimer: ** I don't own Kingdom Hearts and I'm not making money off of this. If I did, however, there would definitely be a Kingdom Hearts R in which you could go on this whole yaoi adventure, starring as Sora with playable options of doing Riku, Leon, Cloud, etc. You know. Like Sukishio. Well, I think. Because I've only ever seen the anime. I had no idea there was a game until later. What was I talking about again?

**Author's Note:** Okay, I'm doing really good on the update-all-my-stories thing, I think. I mean, sure, I'm lazy, but the chapters come out eventually! I'm just glad I didn't abandon these stories because I love them very much.

But no sentimental babble from me. Happy Thanksgiving to all who celebrate the day of the turkey. I, personally, had a sucky holiday, but I hope yours rocked out loud. I'm very hungry. I'd attempt to put a little crying smiley there, but we all know ff-net got rid of those little luxuries.

Anyway, now I'm starting to ramble. Thanks for sticking with me and my inconsistency or whatever. Because guys? 100-plus reviews for _one chapter_? I don't think I can love you anymore than I do right now.

**Addendum:** I really have no idea how I keep ending these chapters with Leon and Cloud. I blame them. They always have to have the last word. Them and their late nights. Whatever. Carry on.

**Thanks to:** Every single person who read the previous chapter and then reviewed it and even to every single person who read the previous chapter and didn't.

**Date Begun:** August 24, 2006

**Date Posted: **November 23, 2006

**Rule #2** — Sometimes A Little Planning Goes A Long Way

_Tap tap tap._

Sora blinked, the pen he'd been sucking on falling out of his mouth as he tried to locate the source of the barely audible noise. He was in Math class which, in his opinion, was hell on earth. While the teacher rambled on about… something, Sora really preferred to daydream.

However, despite that fact, he still managed to maintain a B average in the class, something that had baffled him and his friends for years. It figured that Sora would be a semi-prodigy in a class he couldn't stand.

_Tap tap tap._

He blinked again. It sounded as though someone was tapping on glass. There were only two glass surfaces in the room – the windows on the other side of the room and the little window in the door to his right. And since he was sitting by the door, he looked that way.

He was extremely unsurprised to see Riku's face there, gesturing for Sora to come outside. That was another reason his grades were so surprising; Sora spent more class time out in the hallway with Riku than in his seat. Not that he was complaining.

He raised his hand. "Can I go to the bathroom, sir?"

His teacher nodded and Sora immediately got out of his seat, walking outside to meet his friend. As usual, neither boy said a word until they were a good distance away so as not to alert Sora's class to the fact that he used 'the bathroom' and 'Riku' pretty much interchangeably.

"You looked like you were having fun." Riku said in amusement which only grew at the face Sora made. "Want to go do something?"

"Do what?" the brunet asked warily, almost predicting where this was going.

He was not disappointed. The smirk on Riku's face was devilish. "Fool around."

Honestly, Sora really had no idea if Riku went around hitting on _everyone_ or if it was just him, but he was starting to get a bit curious as to what Riku would do if he ever began to reciprocate. He imagined Riku would run screaming in that case, but Sora somewhat enjoyed the attention, so that route was out.

In any case, they were not fooling around and the longer Sora went without telling Riku so, the longer the older boy would entertain thoughts of it. Or something.

"Riku! I did _not_ sneak out of class so you could… could molest me!" Sora whined, stomping his foot. "Why don't you get yourself a girlfriend if you're so sexually charged?"

"No girl could compare to you, Sora." Riku responded smoothly, stepping behind Sora and wrapping his arms around the younger boy's waist.

Sora blinked, then pouted. He _knew_ he'd taken too long with his reaction that time. "Riku… personal space…"

"I don't believe in that myth." Riku whispered into his ear.

Sora's pouted deepened into a full-fledged sulk. It wasn't as though Riku hadn't done worse—Sora distinctly remembered a sleepover and 'cold hands' being 'warmed' beneath his shirt—but people could _see_ them. He already got enough jokes about being Riku's girlfriend. He didn't need more.

"Stop molesting me," he said, tilting his head away from Riku's.

This did nothing to discourage the boy, who simply held him tighter. "Give me one good reason why I should."

"Because someone might see and then they'd assume things about us!"

Riku chuckled, resting his chin on Sora's shoulder. "Oh really? What kinds of things, Sora?"

"That… that…" Sora's cheeks turned red against his will. "That we're… _together_."

"But we are together. We're together all the time."

"That's not what I _meant_!"

Riku sighed painstakingly and released him, taking a step back. "As you wish. Personal space is yours."

"Good." Sora said, the sulk disappearing immediately. "What did you _really_ want?"

"Just to hold you in my arms."

"Riku!"

Riku laughed. "Okay, okay, I have a free and I'm bored so I came to see you. Do you mind?"

"You know I don't, but… how long does it usually take to go to the bathroom?"

"Not as long as you've been out here already."

"Right. I gotta get back to class." Sora saw the disappointed look in Riku's eyes before the silver-haired boy managed to hide him and sent the boy a small smile. "I'll see you at lunch."

"Yeah, alright." Riku was about to walk away when Sora suddenly surged forward and wrapped his arms around Riku's waist in a tight hug, then pulled away and waved.

"Bye, Riku!" Sora said cheerfully, jogging back to class.

He was feeling warm everywhere that Riku had touched him and at least now he had the viable option of spending class time thinking up possible means of getting hugged by Riku without seeming like he enjoyed it. It wouldn't do to encourage Riku's perverse nature. Should he ever decide to get a girlfriend one day, she might be put off by the closeness of him and Riku's relationship. They already had a hard enough time explaining it to people anyway.

"Mr. Harada," Sora's teacher said as he slipped back into the room, looking mildly amused. "How is Mr. Masaki?"

"Oh, he's fine," Sora replied airily, lifting one shoulder in a shrug. He then blinked and colored. "I mean, um, I have no idea—"

The amusement grew. "Please be sure to inform him that my peripheral vision is just as good as it's ever been, so if he stands in front of the door and waves, I _will_ notice."

"Um," Sora ducked his head in shame. "Okay."

* * *

"I still can't believe you lost!" Seifer said, glaring over Cloud's shoulder at Leon. "Look at that guy, acting all high-and-mighty about it." 

Leon, who was sitting on the other side of the cafeteria at a table with Yuffie, either didn't notice the dirty looks Seifer was shooting him, or didn't care. Cloud was willing to bet it was the latter as Leon's range of concern was limited to himself and 'those other people who follow me around all day'.

"He's an ass. There's all there is to it," Cloud replied, taking a bite of his sandwich. "I'll beat him next time and rub his face in it."

Aerith, sitting across from them at the table, rolled her eyes. "Could you be any more childish? And, Cloud, you have other things to worry about."

"Like…?"

"Like the fact that the Yamatos are hosting a charity event this afternoon and your mother is displeased." Aerith explained patiently, though it was obvious by her tone of voice that she'd told this to him many times before. Cloud just had a tendency to tune people out whenever they mentioned the Yamatos in anything but a negative light. "To seem humble, the Yamatos invited us."

It sunk in what Aerith was saying and Cloud stared at her blankly. "You mean I have to put up with that asshole all night?" His voice turned incredulous. "What is this? Bad karma? Did I piss off The Powers That Be?"

"Probably," Seifer taunted, ruffling Cloud's spiky hair. "You offended them with this gelled mess you call hair."

"It's _not_ gelled," Cloud said defensively. "Shut the fuck up."

Aerith frowned. "Cloud. Language."

"Like my language is supposed to be saintly when I have to spend all night on Yamato territory. I should just blow the whole place up."

"And kill innocent people not to mention your own family?"

"Sounds good, doesn't it?" Cloud smirked, his eyes glazed over in thought. Distantly, he heard Aerith make a disgusted noise and reluctantly dragged his mind out of it's musings of blood, decapitation, and a battlefield rife with lifeless Yamato bodies.

"I'll see you later," she said, grabbing her tray and getting up. "When you're done being unreasonable."

Seifer waited until she was a good distance away before turning to Cloud with a mischievous expression on his face that never spelled anything good for anyone. "So, guess what?"

"Hm?" Cloud asked now disinterested in anything that wasn't his lunch.

"Yamato's running for student body president," Seifer's voice was conspiratorial as if _everyone_ wasn't aware of this by now. And by 'everyone', Cloud meant himself because he didn't think much about the student body. "Dontcha think I should run and knock him down a few pegs?"

He snorted. "I'd vote for Yamato before I voted for you."

"What?" Seifer looked affronted. "Why?"

"Because you're insane," Cloud said sweetly, grabbing his tray and walking away.

* * *

"—And then she was all 'you think you can mess with my man and not get your ass kicked? Think again' and I was all 'bring it' and she brought it, but I brought it better and I got detention for kicking her scrawny—Leon, what are you looking at?" 

Leon blinked and turned his gaze back to his black-haired companion, taking note of the soon-to-be-pout on her face. As if she really expected Leon to be focusing on a story about Yuffie and her constant fights with the other girls at school. He sighed. "Nothing."

Yuffie glanced in the direction he'd just been staring in, catching sight of Cloud making his way from his lunch table to the garbage bins by the door. "Ah, glaring at Strife again, eh? Sucks that he's coming to the charity event, doesn't it?"

"I'm trying not to think about it." Leon responded with another sigh. "It'll only piss me off."

"Yeah, I know. I'm pretty ticked about it, too," Yuffie said, sounding bummed for all of thirty seconds before her radiant smile was back. "At least Aerith is coming, so I'll have someone to talk to!"

Leon stared at her evenly. "You do realize you're making friends with the enemy, right?"

"She's not the enemy. Her family's not in the election. I don't see why we can't be friends." Yuffie protested, furrowing her brows. "Besides, you're friends with Sephiroth and he knows Cloud."

"Okay, first of all, Sephiroth is not my friend." Leon said heatedly, looking through a nearby window at the elegant boy who was seated under a tree outside, eating his lunch. "Second of all, I think he's an ass."

"I see," Yuffie paused a moment to think, then continued, "Well… what about Zack? I saw you talking to him once and he's friends with Cloud."

Leon raised an eyebrow. "Stalker. And that was only once. I needed homework from him."

"Hmph. I just don't think this election should impede upon your friend-making skills."

"Yuffie, I don't make friends. I hate friends. I hate people in general. Election or no election, I _have_ no friend-making skills."

The black-haired girl sighed again. "See, this is why you're going to lose the student body election and become a source of shame in the eyes of your family."

"Thanks." Leon replied, deciding not to mention that Yuffie was the one who'd forced him to run in the first place. She'd nominated him, bullied a few other kids into seconding the nomination, and Leon hadn't had any say in it other than a sharp kick under the table forcing him to accept.

His eyes slid back to Cloud, who was now standing by the doors and smirking at something that Seifer Almasy was saying.

His eyes narrowed. At least Seifer wasn't coming. It would kill him to have both Cloud and Seifer in his house, especially at the same time.

"_Leon!"_ Yuffie said, sounding exasperated. "You'll have plenty of time to glare at Cloud later, okay? I'm trying to talk."

As if hearing his name, even from the other side of the cafeteria, Cloud looked up, meeting Leon's glare with one of his own. He snorted and looked back at Yuffie. Tonight was going to be _fun_.

* * *

"See you all tomorrow." Kairi said, concluding the newspaper meeting for the day. "And Naminé, I need your article and soon, okay?" 

The blond girl nodded and followed the other staff members out of the room. Kairi shut down her computer and waited until everyone was gone – everyone, that is, except for her and Sora, who hadn't moved from his desk.

She closed the door, then turned around to look at him. "They're over there. You got quite a few this time."

"That's because everybody at this school has love problems. Or like to think they do, anyway," Sora quipped as he took out the stack of letters in Kairi's bag. He flipped through them, his eyes just skimming a few lines of each.

…_don't know why he won't talk to me…_

…_huge fight and now he's flirting with…_

…_parents scared him off…_

…_and then he just comes out and says he's gay…_

…_needed a date so I begged him but now…_

…_totally in love with him, but he doesn't notice a thing…_

…_hit him in the face with my hockey stick and he dumped me…_

…_hook up with Leon Yamato, but he doesn't seem interested…_

…_calls me 'dunce' all the time, like it's supposed to be an affectionate nickname…_

Sora pushed the letters into his backpack and slid the bag onto his back.

"Where are you headed now? Want to come with me to the café and get some coffee?" Kairi asked, grabbing her own bag.

"Sure, why not? It's not like I have anything else I could be—" the door opened and Riku stared at Kairi and Sora standing alone in the office, eyes narrowed slightly.

"What were you two doing?" He asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Making plans to get coffee. Want to come?" Kairi asked, an amused look on her face. "Afraid to leave me alone with Sora?"

"Why would he be—" Sora's eyes widened and he turned to look at Riku, blinking. "Is it _Kairi_ you like?"

"God, no!" Kairi and Riku said simultaneously, looking absolutely disgusted at the very idea.

Sora laughed sheepishly. "It was just a question… anyway, _do_ you want to come with us, Riku? And maybe drive since we're too lazy to walk?"

"Yeah, okay." Riku agreed, shuddering once more before putting the disturbing thought behind him. He jabbed a finger in Kairi's direction. "As long as the redhead doesn't sit anywhere near me. I don't want her getting any naughty thoughts about my sexy body."

"Trust me, old man, I don't want to lose my lunch." Kairi replied, wrinkling her nose teasingly.

"Are you implying that I'm old?"

"I don't need to. Your hair implies it already. Not to mention you're a year above us."

"I don't see your point."

"Then hush and accept the facts, _old man_."

Riku cracked his knuckles and gave Kairi a menacing look, which she returned with her own angelic one. Before Sora could even blink, Kairi had squealed and ran to the other side of the office with Riku growling and following in close pursuit. He felt something stir deep within him – something that made him narrow his eyes and scowl at the two of them – but he couldn't quite identify the feeling.

He turned around and began heading out of the office.

"Hey, Sora, wait up!" Riku called. Sora turned again, noticing that Riku now had a struggling Kairi slung over his shoulder. "We're coming."

"Yeah, yeah…" Sora murmured, ignoring the inquisitive look on Riku's face and instead taking a deep breath and forcing one of his trademark smiles. "Well, hurry up. Coffee waits for no one!"

"He's right. Put me down!" Kairi screamed as she was suddenly dropped flat on her butt, whimpering. "Ow! Riku!"

Riku smirked, walking over to Sora and looking at Kairi over his shoulder. "You said to put you down."

"Bastard."

"Bitch."

"COFFEE!" Sora butted in before they could start another room-wide fight which was really just a cover for the obvious flirting that was going on _right in front of him_. "NOW!" He whirled around and stomped out of the room, his entire posture daring them not to follow.

"Sheesh," he heard Kairi say, drawing out the word into two syllables. "What crawled up his butt?"

* * *

"Erlack! Parting is such sweet sorrow! Peace on earth and goodwill to beds!" Selphie chanted enthusiastically and she milled about with the other girls trying out for the part of Sleeping Beauty in the school play. Standing next to her, and looking quite embarrassed to be seen with this obviously insane brunette, was Tidus. 

The boys' tryouts were after the girls and, besides, he wanted to see Selphie's tryouts for himself and find out if she had any talent for this whatsoever or if he had to bribe the director to get her into the show.

"Goodwill to _men_," Tidus corrected, running a hand over his face. "And, anyway, none of those lines have anything to do with _Sleeping Beauty_. Did you even go over what you were reading for tryouts?"

"It's right here," Selphie said carelessly, waving a few sheets of paper in front of Tidus' face. "I'm doing the dance-in-the-forest-with-the-birds scene. I love the Disney version. Don't you? When I was younger, I totally wanted my own singing animals."

Tidus tried not to laugh. "Really?"

"Yes, really! But, apparently, mice can't sing. _Cinderella_ is such a lie." Selphie shook her head as though she'd just announced that someone had a lethal disease. "My entire _childhood_ was a lie."

"Excuse me," a quiet voice spoke up. "But I'm trying to concentrate on my lines and you're speaking a bit loudly. Could you whisper?"

Selphie tensed, turning and narrowing her eyes as none other than Yuna Nandaba got up from her place on the floor and looked at her imploringly. As if she was so _nice_ and _mature_ and _sane_ and not a bitch at all.

Tidus smiled. "Oh, hey, Yuna. I should have known you'd be trying out for this, too. Aurora, right?"

"Well, you know me," Yuna blushed. "Always the overachiever."

"What's cool is you're not stuck up about it. Most girls would have let getting the lead in practically every show go to their heads by now, but not you."

The two dissolved into an entire conversation about cast parties and stage left and long hours and script memorization and other miscellaneous topics that Selphie knew little or nothing about, all of which served to make her feel very, very ignored. Tidus had come here with _her_ to watch _her_ try out, not to talk to Yuna about things he was supposed to be helping _Selphie_ learn about if—that is to say, _when_—she got the lead role in the play.

If Yuna got chosen for Aurora, Selphie may just have to kill somebody. Starting with Yuna.

"I really do need to concentrate now," Yuna said in that annoying, I'm-so-sweet-and-angelic voice that she used all the freaking time. "But it was nice talking to you, Tidus. Good luck on getting Prince Philip. I'd love to work with you again."

"Good luck to you, too," Tidus replied in that annoying… annoying… _whatever that tone was_ in his voice that would making Selphie think of hot chocolate and baking oatmeal cookies and other comfortable things if he hadn't been directing it towards Yuna. When he turned back to look at her, she imagined her eyes were scorching. He blinked. "What?"

"_Nothing_," Selphie said through gritted teeth. "Absolutely nothing. I'm going to the bathroom since obviously MY VOICE IS TOO LOUD FOR POOR LITTLE YUNA."

"Um," Tidus managed before Selphie threw her script at him and practically ran for the girls' bathroom. He scratched his head in confusion. "What did I do?"

* * *

Sora flopped down on his bed, exhausted. Riku had dropped him off mere minutes ago and both he and Kairi had spent the entire afternoon treating him like he was a time bomb about to go off. Just because he'd snapped at them once. _Once_. What, he had to be Mr. Fun Happy Sunshine Love all the time? He couldn't have an off day? 

Groaning, he rolled onto his back and stared at the ceiling, considering the possibilities. Riku and Kairi. Going out. On dates. Together. _With_ each other. Holding hands in the hallway and kissing and—

Sora was going to be sick if he didn't stop thinking about that.

Riku and Kairi deserved to be happy, he supposed, but happy with each other? It just seemed so unfair. Sora had never had a girlfriend before and, while he had absolutely no romantic feelings for Kairi whatsoever, it wasn't fair that Riku always got all the girls.

And he never even noticed! Sora remembered very well how they would walk down the hallways together and a dozen girls would scream Riku's name just to get him to turn and look at them, but Riku never would.

Granted, he was busy talking to Sora at the time. But still. What about Sora?

He sighed, throwing one arm off the bed and rummaging through his backpack for the letters. At least as _The Matchmaker_ he could pretend he'd had enough experience with love to properly advise others.

The first letter was simple.

_How do I get Cloud Strife to notice me? Is he even into girls? _

_Signed, Cloud's Number One Fan_.

Hell if Sora knew what Cloud was into. He pretty much assumed the blond was asexual. He and Leon were always so apathetic to the world at large, the many letters he got begging for advice on how to ask one of them out were responded with, _'Don't.' _

Placing that one back in its envelope for later, he read the next one.

_So, there was this guy I was going out with. It was one of those on-off relationships, you know? Well, last time we were 'off', we were really off. I hit him in the face with my hockey stick and he dumped me. Now I want him back. What should I do_?

_Signed, I Do Not Have Violent Tendencies_.

Sora made a mental note _not_ to say, _'Stop hitting him in the face with your hockey stick, psycho'_ and set the letter aside in favor of the next one. His eyes widened. It took up the entire page and the person wrote small. Bracing himself, Sora started to read.

_Okay, I don't usually do this kind of thing. The pouring-my-problems-out-to-anonymous-people thing, I mean. I'm just getting kind of… desperate. No offense. I'm not going to read this letter over before I put it in the box because then I know I'll just end up ripping it up. Alright. Here goes. _

_There's this guy I like. I have for awhile, actually. It's impossible _not_ to like him. He's so open and friendly. The kind of guy who makes new friends all the time because he accosts random people in the supermarket to say, "Hey, I have those shoes at home! Aren't they awesome?!" or something like that. He's dependable and funny and endearingly oblivious to how I feel. And that's just his personality. He's got the most amazing eyes, as blue as the sky. I can see where his parents got his name from. And his hair… well, I'm sure we're all waiting for gravity to catch up with it. _

_Every day I want to tell him how beautiful he is, but I just can't. First of all, I'm pretty sure he's straight and, second of all, if he hasn't noticed by _now _then I'm afraid pointing it out will make things weird. Help me? _

_Signed, Desperate and Original _

Sora read the letter over three times to make sure he wasn't hallucinating. Gravity-defying hair? Probably named for the sky-like color of his eyes? Well, okay, Sora was pretty sure he was named Sora because his mother had been so doped up on drugs at the time of his birth that she'd been having some pretty loopy daydreams concerning the view of the sky from her window, but he hadn't shared that with anyone.

But what were the odds that someone had a crush on _him_? Girls didn't get crushes on him.

Oh, wait, it was a guy writing the letter. _Well, that figures, _Sora thought dryly. He wasn't the slightest bit put out by this, but that only reinforced his belief that he was just not attractive to girls. Maybe he _would_ end up having to settle with a guy.

He really shouldn't get his hopes up. Sora tucked the letter back into its envelope and placed it carefully in his bag. Tomorrow, he'd ask Kairi to make sure he wasn't going crazy.

However, despite the fact that he was trying to maintain a healthy level of skepticism and it was a _guy_… he couldn't stop a warm feeling from rising in his chest.

* * *

Tidus loved the theater. It was, in his opinion, the best part of the school and, if he could, all his classes would take place in it. Of course, that was due largely in part to the fact that he was a self-professed drama geek and loved to tell people that he only went to school to be in the plays. 

His grades were proof enough of that. Honestly, if he had only been able to afford going to an actual art school, he could be spending a large amount of time in his major (drama, as if there was any other option) and a small amount of time in everything else. Now he'd have to hold out for college.

He looked at the stage, surprised to see that Selphie was already on it. She'd still been in the bathroom when they'd all been let into the theater and five girls, including Yuna, had already gone without her making an appearance.

Tidus had been beginning to think she was quitting the bet entirely, so it was certainly a surprise to see her standing on the stage as though she'd been in the theater the entire time.

He blinked slowly.

"Hiya!" She said for the benefit of the camera. The director, Mrs. Kuroni, insisted upon filming tryouts so that she could review the prospective actors and actresses for a few days before making her choice. "I'm Selphie Tillmet, I'm sixteen years old, and I'm cooler than Yuna!"

Tidus resisted the urge to bang his head against the seat in front of him. He heard Yuna gasp in embarrassment and empathized.

"That being said," Selphie continued, not at all bothered by Yuna's reaction. She closed her eyes briefly, then reopened them and began to sing in a strong, clear, and surprisingly good, voice.

"_I know you. I walked with you once upon a dream… I know you. The gleam in your eyes is so familiar a gleam… and I know it's true that visions are seldom what they seem. But if I know you… I know what you'd do… you'd love me at once… the way you did once upon a dream._"

She began to dance around the stage, doing an almost perfect imitation of the dance Aurora had done in the Disney movie. The only difference was that she had no singing animals to accompany her. To say Tidus was shocked was a severe understatement.

"_But if I know you, I know what you'd do… you'd love me at once… the way you did once upon a dream_."

She whirled once, then stopped and bowed. There was a sheepish smile on her face as she finished. "Um. Thank you very much."

Tidus couldn't help it. He stood and clapped. Selphie's face turned bright red as she stared at him and he smiled, his smile widening when she hesitantly smiled back.

* * *

"So, how was your day?" Leon asked as he and Cloud stood by the fountain outside his house. Far behind them, in the ballroom, the banquet to raise money for some charity Leon didn't know or care about was in full swing. 

Leon had hung around long enough to stand in the shadows like he usually did and glare at anyone who came his way before he'd caught sight of Cloud sneaking outside, had waited five minutes, then followed him.

He'd found Cloud deep in the garden, by the fountain, and they'd decided to stay on the far side of the fountain on the off-chance Yuffie came looking for Leon. Then, at least, Cloud would have five seconds to hide.

"Seifer and I cut seventh and talked bad about your mother," Cloud replied, leaning over the fountain to slide his hand through the water. "I think they're announcing how much money was raised."

"That's nice," Leon said to both statements, wrapping his arms securely around Cloud's waist. He didn't want the blond to go tumbling into the fountain unless pushed, after all.

Cloud smirked and straightened, not missing the chance to rub his ass against Leon's crotch. "Missed me, did you?"

"I miss you more when you do that," Leon tucked his head against the crook of Cloud's neck and pressed a kiss there, smiling when a shiver ran down Cloud's spine. "And vice versa."

"Mhmm," Cloud murmured, tilting his head back to rest against Leon's shoulders. "The good thing about you having this obnoxiously huge yard is that people will think I got lost trying to find my way back."

"Screw people," Leon said as he turned Cloud around in his arms and kissed him. Cloud made a small noise and wrapped his arms around Leon's shoulders, returning the kiss wholeheartedly.

There was always something about kissing Cloud that made Leon want to momentarily relinquish the tight control he kept over himself. He didn't know what it was.

Altogether, Cloud wasn't really that special. There were a million blond-haired, blue-eyed boys all over the world, and there were probably at least a quarter of them who had the same silent attitude.

But _Cloud_.

Leon pulled back a moment to breathe, resting his forehead against Cloud and taking note of the smirk on Cloud's face. He returned the smirk with a rarely seen smile before a flash lit up in the corner of his eye and he shoved Cloud roughly away from him, whirling around to see where it had come from.

A reporter had just taken a picture of them, thankfully from the other side of the fountain, and was now hissing, "Hurry up. I think they're having a fight," to someone in the shadows of the garden.

Leon had about five seconds to think about this before he was nearly toppled into the fountain by Cloud leaping on his back. The added weight made him fall over, missing the fountain by inches, and onto the concrete.

"Get the fuck off me, Strife," Leon grounded out, trying to throw the blond off him.

Cloud grabbed his wrist, pinning it to the ground hard enough to bruise. "Yeah, fuck you, too, Yamato."

He finally managed to flip them over, barely aware of the flashes of light going on all around them now, as he punched Cloud to get him back for the bruise that had to be forming on his chin right now from the fall.

"Asshole!" Cloud coughed, giving back as good as he got.

"Bitch," Leon taunted, dodging the second strike and bending Cloud's hand back. He was about to break Cloud's jaw when he felt himself being hoisted off the blond and dragged backwards.

"You are _so_ dead," Yuffie's voice hissed from beside him and Leon looked upwards to see his father's red face glaring down at him. His gaze flew to Cloud, expecting an attack, only to find that the blond was being restrained by his father as well. Their eyes narrowed at the same time.

"Great job, Strife," Leon's father said dryly. "You couldn't keep that animal you call a son under control long enough for us to hand over the check?"

"My son's the animal? _Yours_ was on top last time _I_ checked," Cloud's father sneered. Leon was never more thankful for his extreme self-control than at that moment.

Cloud, who had no such luck, burst out laughing.

"This is _not _funny," Mr. Strife hissed, hoisting Cloud to his feet. "Go wait in the car. Aerith, go with him."

"Yes, Mr. Strife," the brunette said politely, grabbing Cloud's arm and leading him away. Her entire stance was disapproving.

Leon was hoisted to his feet in a similar manner and shoved in Yuffie's direction. "Take him upstairs," his father said in exhaustion. "Make sure he doesn't cause any more trouble, would you?"

"You got it!" Yuffie chirped, dragging Leon past the reporters and into the garden. Leon reached his free hand up to touch his jaw and winced. That was definitely going to bruise. And Cloud was probably going to have a black eye by morning.

He sighed. "Sorry," Leon murmured, though he knew there was no way that Cloud could hear it.

"Oh, don't worry about it!" Yuffie said reassuringly, reminding Leon of her presence. "Your Dad's great at damage control. I'd be more concerned about what he's going to do to you once the reporters are gone. Good job putting the fight by the fountain, though. Better than at the banquet. I have no idea when those reporters sneaked out there."

Leon tuned her out again, wondering if the Strifes kept ice packs in their cars and if Cloud was going to be okay once his Dad got a hold of him. He sighed again. He'd just have to find out tomorrow.


End file.
